09/03

Recursion

09/02

Being and Nothingness

Irina. In and around the office

I started as a documentary photographer, and I never really questioned the purpose of the pictures I took at the time. They were stories of the world and lives lived, and if I could tell those stories, what more need there be? It was a matter of taking people to a time and place and connecting them. But the more pictures I took, the more I realized how subjective everything was. There was no true moment and false moment. No composition that spoke honestly or falsely. There were just parameters and choices. There were the times where I decided to click a button and those where I didn’t. But an image taken one second earlier can connote the diametric opposite of another taken one second later. Photographs are simply instances of things that happen. They are the opinions and ideas of the image maker.

09/02

Just posted on Authentic Pictures

A now and then comparison of my pictures of Katya and Evan. Check it out. http://www.authenticpicturesny.com/blog/?p=45

09/01

A Parting Shot

Last day in the hospital, August 30, 2010

I meant to put this into the last set of pictures, but I forgot to export it. We were really thankful to have Dr. Rhee as our OB/GYN. Her work is top rate, and we were really impressed with the way she handled herself. She was clearly well-regarded by her peers. Everything went smoothly, and the staff at Saint Luke’s Roosevelt also did a great job, but a hospital is a tough place to be, even when everything goes well, and, birth, at least insofar as a C-section goes, is a trying experience.

With the first C-section, my son Evan found his way into the NICU. He had swallowed some meconium, and no one told us that it was fairly common, leaving us very worried. This second time was much better. Having been through it helped, and Keira was healthy and well. Still, the whole thing just happens so fast. One second you’re waiting for your baby, the next moment you’re waiting for surgery. Everything in your world really is on the line at that point, and the wait feels like an eternity. Sure, the chances are slim that things will go seriously wrong, but you are incredibly vulnerable at this point.

You sit, you wait, and once things have calmed down and everything is fine, you really just want to make your way home as soon as you can. You lie there in pain, in a pale hospital gown with a remote control that’s a bit out of reach for a TV that looks to be pushing 20 years, and in front of you is the tray. It’s a tray of modest proportions, and everything you can access for the duration of the stay sits on top of it. I’ve considered a third child (Katya says I’m crazy), but I have to say that I don’t really know how I feel about repeating the hospital experience. Katya is even less than eager to do so. At very least, I think I can fairly say it won’t be something we consider until the memories of the experience have long faded.

08/30

Labor and Delivery

Keira Lum. Born August 27, 2010

What is it to see your child for the first time? To look into a stranger’s eyes, knowing she is yours?

My life goes by so fast I feel the whiplash. I struggle heroically to stop time, but frame after frame, shot after shot, I can’t hold on. Life is relentless progression. I look, I wait, I shoot, I look, I wait, I shoot. It never stops, and then, as if I didn’t know for 9 months that she was coming, she was here.

The circumstance wasn’t quite what we had hoped for. An emergency C-section towards the end of the day right before a busy weekend. But Keira simply didn’t want to wait any longer. Ready or not, here she came. She had that funny look that newborns have, wrinkly, pimply, moving like she was powered animatronically. She was beautiful. I held her in my arms, I said “hello,” and for that little bit, time stopped.

08/25

Unhappy pictures

So I was going over some pictures the other day with Sharif Kasymbekov, the videographer for 5 West Studios, and we came across yesterday’s image of Dmitry.

“He looks like he just got out of prison,” he said.

“He does? Wow, cool!” I replied.

Sharif shrugged and we moved on. I awoke this morning with his words in my mind. Did he mean it as a good thing? A bad thing? A passing comment? I have no idea, really. My guess is that it was just a passing comment, but the French writer Stendahl’s quote came to mind. He said, “Beauty is only a promise of happiness.”

Do we need beauty in photography? To be sure, it is a visual medium, and there needs to be some sort of aesthetic, but the implication that either the look or the feel need be pleasing or “beautiful” is destructive in my mind. A photographer’s job is to observe, and when we limit or summarily discard our own observations based on preconceived notions of happiness, we narrow our world and rob ourselves of the ability to experience as fully.

08/24

Lighting Recipe: Dmitry

Dmitry. Photographer: Spencer Lum

My wife’s brother was in town a few weeks back, so I forced him to do a sitting for me. This one was pretty straightforward: two large softboxes (30″ x 60″) set to each side of him, with him sitting right between them.

08/23

Two to start the week

Evan came back last week from California to, as he said, be back in time for his sister to come out. We’re tired of expecting. How about delivered instead?

08/20

I do not like airports

I do not recommend taking a trip to the airport at 5:30 on a weekday. It’s not fun, but sometimes you have no choice. Before even making it to the BQE from my home in Brooklyn, I saw that traffic was heavy the whole way through, so I thought I’d try going local. Not a bad call, if I do say so myself. I took Dean Street most of the way. Here’s an 8 image summary of the 52 minutes.

08/20

Thoughts on weddings

Most photographers are looking to create a formula with repeatable shots.
Most people get married because of their uniqueness.

Most photographers want their couples to look like models.
Most models are trying to look like real people.

Most of us are afraid of showing our imperfections.
Our imperfections are what make us beautiful.